Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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