Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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