we have officially lost it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
