Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Still dying that you shit outside
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
