This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
