That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
