Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize