One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
