Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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