u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this will be a night to untag.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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