I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
