She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
