i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
