Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize