Don't you send me to vm
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
