i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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