remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
