I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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