We're like a lot better than the average bears
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
