this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize