We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
