i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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