Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
