I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
