I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
