I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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