Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
