i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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