my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
