why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
