i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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