In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its not stalking. its research.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
