Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
