If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
