If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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