Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
