so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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