Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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