Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
