youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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