I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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