I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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