Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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