I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
