u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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