Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
