The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have fence marks all over my body
not ubering you a puppy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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