I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
