I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
