Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
