so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
