best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
