the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
