yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
