My liver just broke up with me...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
