I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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