I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
