my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize