I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
