Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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