you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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