Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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