You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
