someone threw a dead crab at me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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