We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
