My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
