don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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