after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
