is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
