Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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