I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
