my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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