I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
