I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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