oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize