Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
