you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
