I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
