btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
