i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
