trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this will be a night to untag.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
