carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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