after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize