Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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