This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
